Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
