Do you still have your period?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
