Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
