So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
