omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
