Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My feet surprised me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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