If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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