if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
