At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
