Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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