i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
