youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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