is wine microwaveable?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
