Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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