i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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