I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
