I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
