What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
