dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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