I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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