remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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