Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
