is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
