Nicole vs. Life
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
