Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
