I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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