She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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