Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
