The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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