Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
