Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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