I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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