So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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