hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
