did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
