Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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