if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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