well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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