I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
