lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
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there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.