If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard