i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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