i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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