oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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