After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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