Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
