i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
