I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
