I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize