Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
