I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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