here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
handjob tips. give me some.
My pussy is not your playground.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
