Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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