Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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