lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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