Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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