Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
