apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Say something about gay babies.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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