just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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