is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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