So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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