When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
