Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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