nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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