She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
