You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
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You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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