haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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