She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
