I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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