It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
