Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
