i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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