where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
