I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
