needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
