Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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