i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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