oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
