I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
