I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize