The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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