he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
