my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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