awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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