I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
there is puke in my bra ... again
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
