Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
