shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
