So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
